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Animal motifs – People just don’t seem to like them, so please think twice about the giant turtle candle or Labrador lamp. 

Regifts – People are on to this, really.  If you must regift be sure that it’s something the person would truly like or want, and that it’s in the unopened, unblemished, original box.  If it’s a gift card, check with the store to be sure it’s not expired.   

Candles – Turtle-shaped or otherwise, candles are a commodity item and not appropriate for a wedding gift.

Gourmet/specialty cooking items – If the couple has registered for that item by all means get it, but don’t buy an unusual cooking item that the couple will probably never use, and may not have room to store.

Over-scaled items – Please consider the couple’s living circumstances before choosing a large item.  If they live in an apartment they many not want to store, and later move, a large item.

One-sided gifts – If the groom plays tennis and the bride does not, a tennis-related gift may be seen as a slight to her.

House-keeping items – These seem sexist to most modern brides.  Of course the exception is something that they’ve registered for. 

Something that can’t be returned – For example, if you want to buy them a piece of artwork, be sure to ask the gallery if it can be returned or exchanged.  Include a gift receipt to make the process smooth. 

Your style – If you like modern décor but they like traditional, buy traditional.  This is a gift for them, not a reflection of your style.

Ethnic items – Something that may seem to be appropriate from an outsider’s prospective may have specific cultural significance.  Leave these items people who will know how that particular item will be received.  You may think you’re showing respect to their culture when in fact you’re offering a caricature of it.

Inappropriately inexpensive gifts – Wedding budgets these days are very different from those of our parent’s.  A very inexpensive gift may seem insulting, if you’re unsure what people in your area typically give, ask around at work or in a social situation.  It varies quite a bit region to region, so out of town weddings can be tricky. 

Picture frames – You will have a hard time matching their décor and selecting the right size, and orientation.  They usually get returned. 

Anything sexually suggestive – Gag gifts are ok for bachelor and bachelorette parties but don’t give anything suggestive as a wedding gift. 

Advice books – They are insulting in this context.  Many brides complain of well-meaning mother in laws giving marital advice books and cook books.

Common appliances – it seems that most people have their toasters, blenders, and microwaves squared away these days.  If they didn’t register for these items, they probably already have them.

Strange gift combinations – It’s perfectly alright to get someone a few items from their registry.  The rule of thumb is to be sure the items are related.  For example a cocktail shaker and martini glasses are a perfect fit, while towels and a candle holder seem a bit odd.  If you’re having trouble deciding, ask your self why these items work together as a gift. 

Home made gifts- There are many exceptions to this.  If you are a gifted artist or artisan the couple may really want something that you’ve made.  Having said that… one of the most common complaints among brides is the home made gift that doesn’t suit their taste.

Ok, so we’ve covered the don’ts.  What if you really don’t like anything on their registry or they don’t have a registry? 

Give something from your culture (not theirs, see above).  I’ve had a Swiss friend give me a fondue pot that he brought back from Switzerland.  I’ve been at many of his fondue parties so he knows I like it and will understand how to use it.  It’s special to me because it reminds me of those experiences.

You might also consider something that you know they want or need but may not have put on their registry.  For example a digital camera is something they will both use; if theirs is outdated a newer version would be a great gift to take with them on their honeymoon.

If they like wine, a fine bottle of wine that will be ready to drink on their anniversary, packaged with a nice pair of glasses, is something they’ll look forward to drinking all year.  Most wine stores will be able to direct you to an appropriate bottle.

Checks and gift cards are always appreciated.  Many couples feel uncomfortable asking for monetary gifts but would be happy to receive them. 

Services – If you’re strapped for cash, try to be creative.  Can you take care of their pets and plants while they’re on their honeymoon?  Do you have a special skill to offer like car repair or home maintenance?  Most people will understand if you aren’t in a position to give an expensive gift. 

If you’re still stumped, ask one of the members of the wedding party.  Bridesmaids are often involved with the registry so they’ll know more than you might imagine.

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