I love these felt food creations; they would make great favors.  Most of these photos came from feltcuisine.com, they sell pattern books to make felt food.  If you’re not into DIY, I’m sure you can find a relative or even a sewer on Etsy to make them. 

Wedding Cake

Chocolate CakeA chocolate cake centerpiece made of incividual slices of felt cake

 

 

 

Cupcake

   

 

 

 

Yellow CakeStrawberry TartStrawberriesSushiAnd my personal favorite... felted fortune cookies from Craftzine.com

 

 

Those cute wedding-themed disposable cameras seem like a great idea.  Your friends will take far more personal photos than your photographer will be able to, and it’s a fun way for your quests to participate.

Unfortunately many companies refurbish these cameras several times.  I had read specific warnings and was very careful to choose cameras that were not advertised as refurbished.  I chose Agfa brand film which is known to be a very reliable brand among professional photographers.  What I got were cameras that barely functioned and the results were very disappointing.       

The cameras I got were from a company called Nuptial Knick Knacks in Texas (nuptialknickknacks.com). I wrote to this company regarding the light leaks, faulty advance wheels, and non-working flashes that plagued my cameras.  The response I got was less than satisfying: “Unfortunately there is no way to tell if they are defective.  You did get 12 cameras.  How are we to know which if any are defective.  We do not have any of the product anymore or film.  We are very sorry, but disposable cameras are impossible to return after being used.  This is why we have this disclaimer on our site.  If you did not want to, you did not have to purchase them from us.  That is your choice. Thank you, Nuptial Knick Knacks Staff”

This is just one case, and I’m sure that some companies will guarantee their products.  If you do decide to get these cameras, please read the fine print very carefully, apparently this is a “buyer beware” situation.  The problem with my cameras only cost me $120, but the greater loss was the collection of photos that I’ll never see. 

These days many, if not most, people have digital cameras.  Had I know then what I know now, I would have skipped the table cameras and put a note on my wedding website asking people to bring their digital cameras. 

There is no substitute for the fun candid photos that friends take of other friends, but in my opinion the cardboard cameras should go the way of pastel-colored almonds and paper bells.

I just found a link to the Palin family’s wedding photographer.  George W. was nice enough to let them use the ranch for the big day!  Enjoy ; )

http://images.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://rayandvanessa.com/assets/images/db_images/db_Shotgun_wedding1.jpg&imgrefurl=http://rayandvanessa.com/html/brandi.html&h=329&w=439&sz=89&hl=en&start=6&um=1&usg=__kziozDvipW2D3KYtTxXU4k4F4eA=&tbnid=yIY0XqFhoHz8xM:&tbnh=95&tbnw=127&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dshotgun%2Bwedding%2Bphotos%26um%3D1%26hl%3Den

Face Shapes:

From: Visual-Makeover.com

 

Your face shape is the starting point to choosing a new hair style. Your hair type is the next consideration. Is your hair naturally straight, wavy, curly or kinky? Is your hair fine, medium or thick? Lastly, take volume into consideration.

It’s hard to be objective about your own face shape, but here’s a sure fire way to be sure your not biasing your own analysis. Hair designers are the ultimate judges of your face shape, but if you need a little help try this experiment.

There are lots of suggestions on how to figure out your shape, from outlining your face shape on a mirror with lipstick to draping it with a towel and asking others to help you guess the shape. But, there is actually a scientific way to determine your face shape once and for all.

To find out the shape of your face, measure it with a tape measure or ruler. You will take the following measurements.

1. Measure your face across the top of your cheekbones. Write down the measurement on a piece of paper.

2. Measure across your jaw line from the widest point to the widest point. Write down the measurement.

3. Measure across your forehead at the widest point. Generally the widest point will be somewhere about halfway between your eyebrows and your hairline. Write down the measurement.

4. Measure from the tip of your hairline to the bottom of your chin.

Oval Face – Length equal to one and a half times width.

Round Face – Your face is as wide as it is long. This may vary a little but generally the measurement is close.

Oblong – Longer than it is wide.

Heart – Narrow at jaw line, wide at cheekbones/and or forehead.

Square – your face is about as wide as it is long.

Diamond – Widest at cheekbones, narrow forehead and jaw line of approximately equal widths

---

Oval – Only slightly narrower at the jaw line than at the temples, with a gently rounded hairline.

Try

A variety of styles . . . most any hair shape looks good on you. Your “perfect” features allow you to wear more styles than any other face shape. Have you ever noticed the majority of models fall into this shape? Have you noticed how many different hair styles they can wear? 

You can wear short, medium and long hair styles. Your face shape is well “balanced” or in even proportion. You will look best when styling your hair off your face. Most oval face shapes can wear slicked-backed looks as well.

Avoid

Covering up your “perfect” features with heavy bangs, or too forward-directed styles.

In wearing your hair style on your face, you’ll lose your face shape behind the hair. It may appear to add weight to your face.

• Click on the name to see a picture of celebrities with oval faces:

Jennifer Aniston     Cameron Diaz     Mariah Carey     Cindy Crawford    Jewel    Heather Locklear    Sharon Stone    Uma Thurman    Julia Roberts  Courtney Cox Arquette     Elle MacPherson    Tyra Banks

---

Rectangular or Oblong – Long and slender, about the same width at forehead and just below cheekbones. May have a very narrow chin or a very high forehead.

Try

Short to medium lengths. Fullness at the sides of your face. Soft wispy bangs. You’ll want to balance the look of a long and slender face. Soft wispy bangs will shorten the appearance of the length. Fullness at the sides of your face will add width to the look of your face shape. 

By cutting the hair into a short or medium length, the outline of the cut will also shorten the look of the length of the face. Layers work great with your face shape, as they will add softness to the straight lines in your face. Try side parts, and you may be able to wear straight back styles.

Avoid

To much hair length . . . your face will look even longer! Too much height lengthens your face. Center parts. When your hair gets past your shoulders there is a good chance it is doing you more harm than good. The models with rectangular face shapes and long hair, get by with it only because they have a “on call” hairdresser who is busy primping and teasing, setting and styling to add fullness to the hair. Since most of us don’t have this luxury, my suggestion is keep it above shoulder length.

• Click on the name to see a picture of celebrities with rectangular faces:

Gwyneth Paltrow     Kirstie Alley     Janet Jackson     Gabrielle Reece          Niki Taylor     Stephanie Seymour

---

Round – Full-looking face with a round chin and hairline. Widest point is at the cheeks and ears.

Try

Hair styles with fullness and height at the crown. Off center parts. Short hair styles with a swept-back direction or hair styles that are longer than chin length. By layering the top to achieve fullness and keeping the rest of the cut relatively close to the face, your round face shape will appear longer and narrower. 

Avoid

Chin length hair with a rounded line that mirrors face’s round shape. Center parts. Short-short crops, straight “chopped” bangs. Fullness at side of ears. A rounded haircut ending at the chin will certainly add weight to your already round face shape. Because the widest part of your face is at the cheeks and ears, you need to avoid having the fullness of the cut here as it will make your face appear wider. I’ve written more about round face shapes in my article Round Face Shapes can be Slimmed, Hairstyles a round shape and Hairstyles for Round Face Shapes.

• Click on the name to see a picture of celebrities with round face shape:

Ingrid Bergman     Roseanne Barr      Kate Winslet    Natalie Merchant    Drew Barrymore    Christina Ricci    Charlotte Church

---

Square – A strong, square jaw line and usually an equally square hairline.

Try

Short-to-medium length hair, especially with wave or roundness around the face. Wispy bangs. Off-center parts, height at the crown. You want to soften the square look of your face with layers and wispy looks around the face. Height at the crown will elongate your symmetrical shape. If your hair is straight you may want to consider a body wave, as some curl or wave to the hair will achieve a nice balance to the straight features of your face shape.

Avoid

Long straight styles that accentuate square jawbone. “Linear” straight bangs or center parts. A straight bob ending at the jaw line is the wrong thing to do for your face shape. You can wear a layered bob, however it should end above or below the jaw line. Make sure in styling that you achieve some roundness to the shape and some height at the crown or bangs, and you will be on the right track.

• Click on the name to see a picture of celebrities with square faces:

Kristin Scott Thomas     Holly Marie Combs     Sandra Bullock                 Demi Moore     Isabella Rosellini

---

Heart – Face is wide at the temples and hairline, narrowing to a small delicate chin.

Try

Chin-length or longer styles. Side-parted hair styles. Swept-forward layers around the upper face, gently wispy bangs. A chin length bob is great on your face shape! This creates a balanced look by giving fullness where you need it. You can wear shorter styles, however, if you are a dramatic heart shape you need to leave weight in the back nape area. This will achieve more balance between your dramatic cheekbones and more narrowing chin.

Avoid

Short, full styles that emphasize upper face. Height at the crown. Severe, slicked back looks. If you are a dramatic heart shape, the short full styles with tapered necklines which emphasize the upper face will make you look top heavy. Too much height at the crown will give the appearance of a longer and narrower chin. Just remember if you have a dramatic heart shape face, you have great cheekbones to emphasize! Don’t miss the boat by getting a cut which is to top heavy.

• Click on the name to see a picture of celebrities with heart faces:

Michelle Pfeiffer     Ashley Judd     Jennifer Love Hewitt                     Claudia Schiffer     Emmanuaell Beart       Juliette Binoche                     Lisa Kudrow     Lucy Lawless       Naomi Campbell

---

Triangular – Reverse of the heart-shape . . . a dominant jaw line with narrowing at the cheek bone and temples.

Try

Shorter hair that balances prominent jaw line. Styles that are full at the temples, taper at the jaw.  Off center parts. Wedges and shags look great on you. You need lots of layers to achieve fullness through the upper part of your face. By wearing styles which are full at the temples and taper at the jaw line, you achieve a balance which can be remarkable, in accenting features otherwise understated. Try tucking hair behind your ears as this will draw attention to your eyes and add width in this area.

Avoid

Long, full hair styles that draw attention to jaw line. Center parts-off-center is more flattering. 

Too much height at the crown.  You want to stay away from putting most of the weight of a haircut at the jaw line and below. This will give the appearance of added weight to the face. 

If going with long hair, it should be kept tight at the nape.

• Click on the name to see a picture of a celebrity with triangular shaped face:

Kathy Ireland

---

Diamond – A cross between heart and a dramatic oval. Widest at the cheekbones, and narrow equally at the forehead and jaw line.

Try

Your face shape is balanced and dramatic. Try a variety of styles. Almost everything works with your face (as long as you are a true diamond). You can wear shorter styles, however if you are a dramatic diamond shape you need to leave weight in the back nape area like a heart shaped face. This will achieve more balance between your dramatic cheekbones and more delicate chin line.

Avoid

You can do just about everything, but try not too wear to much hair on your face, thereby hiding your great features.

• Click on the name to see a picture of celebrities with diamond shaped faces:

Katherine Hepburn     Linda Evangelista        Sophia Loren

Animal motifs – People just don’t seem to like them, so please think twice about the giant turtle candle or Labrador lamp. 

Regifts – People are on to this, really.  If you must regift be sure that it’s something the person would truly like or want, and that it’s in the unopened, unblemished, original box.  If it’s a gift card, check with the store to be sure it’s not expired.   

Candles – Turtle-shaped or otherwise, candles are a commodity item and not appropriate for a wedding gift.

Gourmet/specialty cooking items – If the couple has registered for that item by all means get it, but don’t buy an unusual cooking item that the couple will probably never use, and may not have room to store.

Over-scaled items – Please consider the couple’s living circumstances before choosing a large item.  If they live in an apartment they many not want to store, and later move, a large item.

One-sided gifts – If the groom plays tennis and the bride does not, a tennis-related gift may be seen as a slight to her.

House-keeping items – These seem sexist to most modern brides.  Of course the exception is something that they’ve registered for. 

Something that can’t be returned – For example, if you want to buy them a piece of artwork, be sure to ask the gallery if it can be returned or exchanged.  Include a gift receipt to make the process smooth. 

Your style – If you like modern décor but they like traditional, buy traditional.  This is a gift for them, not a reflection of your style.

Ethnic items – Something that may seem to be appropriate from an outsider’s prospective may have specific cultural significance.  Leave these items people who will know how that particular item will be received.  You may think you’re showing respect to their culture when in fact you’re offering a caricature of it.

Inappropriately inexpensive gifts – Wedding budgets these days are very different from those of our parent’s.  A very inexpensive gift may seem insulting, if you’re unsure what people in your area typically give, ask around at work or in a social situation.  It varies quite a bit region to region, so out of town weddings can be tricky. 

Picture frames – You will have a hard time matching their décor and selecting the right size, and orientation.  They usually get returned. 

Anything sexually suggestive – Gag gifts are ok for bachelor and bachelorette parties but don’t give anything suggestive as a wedding gift. 

Advice books – They are insulting in this context.  Many brides complain of well-meaning mother in laws giving marital advice books and cook books.

Common appliances – it seems that most people have their toasters, blenders, and microwaves squared away these days.  If they didn’t register for these items, they probably already have them.

Strange gift combinations – It’s perfectly alright to get someone a few items from their registry.  The rule of thumb is to be sure the items are related.  For example a cocktail shaker and martini glasses are a perfect fit, while towels and a candle holder seem a bit odd.  If you’re having trouble deciding, ask your self why these items work together as a gift. 

Home made gifts- There are many exceptions to this.  If you are a gifted artist or artisan the couple may really want something that you’ve made.  Having said that… one of the most common complaints among brides is the home made gift that doesn’t suit their taste.

Ok, so we’ve covered the don’ts.  What if you really don’t like anything on their registry or they don’t have a registry? 

Give something from your culture (not theirs, see above).  I’ve had a Swiss friend give me a fondue pot that he brought back from Switzerland.  I’ve been at many of his fondue parties so he knows I like it and will understand how to use it.  It’s special to me because it reminds me of those experiences.

You might also consider something that you know they want or need but may not have put on their registry.  For example a digital camera is something they will both use; if theirs is outdated a newer version would be a great gift to take with them on their honeymoon.

If they like wine, a fine bottle of wine that will be ready to drink on their anniversary, packaged with a nice pair of glasses, is something they’ll look forward to drinking all year.  Most wine stores will be able to direct you to an appropriate bottle.

Checks and gift cards are always appreciated.  Many couples feel uncomfortable asking for monetary gifts but would be happy to receive them. 

Services – If you’re strapped for cash, try to be creative.  Can you take care of their pets and plants while they’re on their honeymoon?  Do you have a special skill to offer like car repair or home maintenance?  Most people will understand if you aren’t in a position to give an expensive gift. 

If you’re still stumped, ask one of the members of the wedding party.  Bridesmaids are often involved with the registry so they’ll know more than you might imagine.

The Windswept Wedding

Or how to take advantage of our drop-dead gorgeous scenery

Bob Cooper

Sunday, June 19, 2005

“Jasmin Reyes oversees many outdoor weddings for the Golden Gate National Recreation Area, but one in particular almost literally blew her away. The scene was Sutro Heights Park, an 18-acre emerald paradise on the blustery northwestern shoulder of San Francisco. “The bride stood on a parapet overlooking the ocean,” she says, “and the wind was blowing so hard that she had to hang onto her veil the entire ceremony. When it came time to kiss the groom she had to let go, and at that precise moment, it flew off!”

Exposure to the elements, not to mention curious park-goers and rigid park regulations, can add one more layer of concern for brides and grooms who reserve outdoor parkland sites. But unlike other worries — why am I doing this? — dealing with them is a piece of cake if you select the right venue, the right month and the right attitude. A squirrel got into the mixed nuts? It’s just being a squirrel. The Flower Girl was stung by a wasp? She’ll remember your wedding forever. In life and in marriage, stuff happens. Why should a wedding be any different?

The best that an outdoor park wedding has to offer is a romantic setting in nature for you, your guests and of course, the wedding photographer. The beauty of Northern California’s parks, with their redwoods, hilltops, lakes and beaches, make outdoor weddings especially popular. Also, you’ll spend hundreds rather than thousands of dollars on the site rental, money that you can use to upgrade those honeymoon plans.

You can get married almost anywhere in Northern California. The administrators of most budget-starved parks, from national parks to town parks, are delighted to work with you, as long as you don’t leave a mess. We’ve picked five parkland venues in the Bay Area with restrooms, ample parking and easy accessibility (the only “hike-in” venue requires a 200-yard walk on a flat, paved path). All five can accommodate at least 150 people, who will depart your celebration with memories of natural splendor, fresh air and perhaps a runaway bridal veil.

BAYFRONT WEDDING

Crissy Field

Can you think of a better place to marry than a few feet from the bay, with the Golden Gate Bridge, Angel Island and Alcatraz as a backdrop? High school sweethearts Mark Kamiya and Ramona Pedersen couldn’t, so they reserved one of several such spots near Crissy Field in Presidio National Park. They even took their chances with the weather by scheduling a March wedding in 2003. Why wait?

“Our moms, who are both native San Franciscans, were so sure it would be cold and foggy that they thought we’d need to bring blankets,” recalls Pedersen, “but the weather was perfect. We wanted a setting that showcased the city, the bay and the Golden Gate Bridge. There were some people walking by who stopped to watch, but they all cheered at the end and that just added to the celebratory mood. It was very San Francisco.” The couple was then chauffeured in the back of a Fisherman’s Wharf pedi-cab to a reception at Greens Restaurant.

The most popular Crissy Field site is an amphitheater on the bay, a quarter-mile from the Golden Gate Bridge. The seating is on large concrete steps, but seat cushions can be rented, or chairs set up on the large lawn next to the amphitheater. Either way, the audience faces the bay. The views of the Golden Gate and the city skyline are a wedding photographer’s dream. Midsummer fog and winter rains make the spring and fall the best seasons for such bay weddings.

The reception can be picnic-style on the bay or at a more formal, and warmer, indoor site, such as one of the elegant Presidio buildings nearby. The best are the Officer’s Club, with a mission-style ballroom and reception lounge that date to the early 1800s, and the Golden Gate Club, with its bay view. Even the Balclutha, an 1886 cargo ship berthed at Fisherman’s Wharf, is rented for receptions. For details on these venues, contact (415) 561-5444, www.presidio.gov/eventspace.

Location: One-fourth mile west of the Golden Gate Bridge at the foot of Long Avenue.

Capacity: 200

Electricity: No

Alcohol: Yes

Cost: $400

Park-district alternatives: Sutro Heights Park, Fort Mason, West Fort Miley.

Contact: Golden Gate National Recreation Area, (415) 561-4374, www.nps.gov/goga/spug.

GARDEN WEDDING

Fuchsia Dell

Fuchsia Dell is one of seven outdoor wedding spots in Golden Gate Park, but it’s farther from the ocean than the rest of them, so the fog usually recedes by noon. Towering eucalyptus and evergreens that encircle the dell also protect it from the wind. The dell, a short stroll from the magnificently restored Conservatory of Flowers, is named for the fuchsia bushes that rim the large, triangular lawn where weddings are performed. The fuchsias bloom from April to October, adorning the bushes with pink, red, orange and violet blossoms. Mites almost decimated them a few years ago, but a volunteer park botanist bred smaller, mite-resistant cultivars from species in Mexico’s cloud forests. They’ve flourished ever since.

The wedding party can make its entrance on a narrow, hedge-lined path that leads to the sundial at the highest point of the sloping lawn. There’s a crescent of park benches on one side of the lawn, a path on the other side, and fuchsias border the entire lawn. You can’t keep visitors out, but the dell is not heavily used. Park administrators say that passers-by almost always stay a respectful distance from ceremonies when they’re in progress anyway — which is true of any park wedding site.

Receptions are permitted at the dell, but indoor receptions can instead be scheduled in one of three rooms at the County Fair Building, (415) 753-7090, which accommodates 50 to 280 people and costs $125-$600 to rent. It’s just across the park at the Strybing Arboretum.

Location: On Conservatory Drive East, halfway between JFK Drive and Arguello Boulevard in Golden Gate Park.

Capacity: 200

Electricity: No

Alcohol: No

Cost: $250

Park-district alternatives: Shakespeare Garden, Queen Wilhelmina

Garden, Palace of Fine Arts.

Contact: San Francisco Recreation & Parks, (415) 831-5500.

ISLAND WEDDING

Loma Island

The only access point to Loma Island, a 2-acre teardrop of land in Antioch’s Contra Loma Reservoir, is a 40-foot-long footbridge. That bridge foiled one bride’s plans for a grand entrance. “She wanted to ride in on a horse,” explains park supervisor Janet Gomes, “but she changed her mind because she was afraid it would be spooked by the wooden planks.” Galloping in on a white stallion is one thing; spending your wedding night in the ICU is another.

The romance of an island wedding, even in Antioch, is irresistible. It’s practically your own island, too, because even on summer weekends it only draws a fisherman or two. The grassy island rises gradually to the middle (loma is Spanish for “knoll”), where you have the best view of the reservoir and oak-studded hills that surround you. At one end of the island, a grove of poplars shades long picnic tables, enough to seat 140 during the reception. At the other end, cattails fringe the shoreline.

Drawbacks? Items for the reception must be carried or wheel barrowed in from the parking lot, 200 yards away. Also, the island can bake in the summer, although there’s deep shade under the poplars, and afternoon breezes temper the heat on days when the coast is foggy. Spring afternoons on the island are ideal (autumn brings the yellow jackets out).

Seven barbecue pits can be fired up during the reception, and once the kids have eaten all the Jordan almonds, they can horse around on the big lawn or swim in the nearby, 9/10ths-acre, lifeguarded pool. It may not be Molokai, but good luck finding another Bay Area island that you can have all to yourselves for the price of the beer budget.

Location: Four miles off Highway 4 (Lone Tree Way exit) on

Frederickson Lane  in Antioch.

Capacity: 150

Electricity: No

Alcohol: Yes

Cost: $232 (East Bay residents), $307 (non-residents)

Park-district alternatives: Tilden Park (Berkeley), Kennedy Grove

Amphitheater (El Sobrante), Quarry Lakes Recreation Area (Fremont).

Contact: East Bay Regional Parks, (925) 757-0404, www.ebparks.org/reservat.htm. .

FOREST WEDDING

Sequoia Peterson Grove

When goose bumps rise on the arms of wedding guests, you want it to be because of their fondness for the bride and groom, not because of a frigid blast of fog. That’s why redwood groves are not always good spots for weddings, considering the habitat of the coastal redwood — the foggy westward slopes of the Coast Range. An exception is the Sequoia Peterson Grove in Sanborn- Skyline Park. It isn’t fog-free, but its location east of the Highway 35 ridgeline near Saratoga means it’s usually bathed in warm sunshine in the afternoon. If it gets too warm, wedding guests can simply take a few steps out of the sun and into the deep shade of the redwoods.

A “fairy ring” of 30 coastal redwoods encircles the redwood deck where the wedding party stands at this special grove. Dramatic rays of sunlight pierce the branches. Guests watch from a large, open area below, which has 10 long picnic tables that seat 200. Once the “I do’s” are done, the group barbecue pit can be fired up and the redwood shelter behind it used for reception activities — music, food and libations.

“On our wedding day last fall,” says San Jose’s Rebekah (Mrs. David) Sprecher, “a family of five or six deer grazed in the meadow nearby, the sun filtered through the redwoods during the ceremony, and the kids couldn’t stay away from the koi pond during the reception. Most of them were splashing in it by the time it was over. Those are great memories, and none of them would have occurred at an indoor wedding. The insects — little flies that we could have taken care of with citronella candles if we’d been prepared — were the only down side.”

A creek and a hiking trail that spirals into the 3,600-acre county park border the wedding area, providing options for hyperactive kids and their Type- A uncles during long receptions. Also nearby are a big Frisbee lawn, a gazebo and the koi pond, all ideal for post-ceremony photos. It’s easy to see why weddings have been popular here for decades.

Location: Two miles west of Saratoga, off Highway 9.

Capacity: 200

Electricity: Yes

Alcohol: Yes

Cost: $470-$790

Park-district alternatives: Mount Madonna, Uvas Canyon, Joseph P. Grant.

Contact: Santa Clara County Parks, (408) 355-2201, www.parkhere.org. .

BEACH WEDDING

Rodeo Beach

There are sound meteorological reasons why beach weddings are more popular in San Diego than in the Bay Area, but that doesn’t mean you should dismiss the idea. Some beaches are fully exposed to the winds and fog that rake them each summer, but others are recessed in coves behind soaring ridges that can keep the elements at sea. That’s true of Rodeo Beach, minutes from the Golden Gate in a quiet valley in the Marin Headlands. On days when the beach fails to warm up, couples who reserve the beach and adjacent Sunset Room (receptions aren’t allowed on the beach) can immediately move the wedding site to nearby Cypress Grove for no extra charge. The grove is a magical, needle- carpeted hollow.

Rodeo Beach is wide enough that you don’t have to worry about wedding guests tripping over surfboard leashes. The wedding can seem private even if there are hundreds of people on the rest of the beach. Pelicans prowl the adjoining lagoon and whales may be sighted during spring weddings. There’s plenty to do afterward, too, including a 200-yard hike from the beach to an ocean overlook that’s a favorite spot for wedding photographs.

The Sunset Room is rented by the Headlands Institute for receptions. The Fort Cronkhite building is actually several rooms: a downstairs party room and kitchen, and an upstairs changing room and spacious reception room with a glorious view from 16 large windows of the beach, ocean, cliffs and Bird Rock. You can feel good about paying the rental fee, too, because it goes to support the nonprofit institute’s youth environmental education programs.

Location: Four miles west of the Golden Gate Bridge via Bunker Road.

Capacity: 200

Electricity: No

Alcohol: Yes

Cost: $400/beach, $1,500-$3,000/Sunset Room

Park-district alternatives: Muir Woods, Point Bonita Lighthouse, Fort Barry Parade Ground.

Contact: Rodeo Beach: Golden Gate National Recreation Area, (415) 561- 4374, www.nps.gov/goga/spug. Sunset Room: Headlands Institute, (415) 332-5771, www.hiconferencecenter.org.”

Bob Cooper’s last piece for Chronicle Magazine, on the Room to Read charity, earned the 2005 “Making a Difference” award from the American Society of Journalists and Authors.

This article appeared on page CM – 12 of the San Francisco Chronicle

by Allan Schwartz
December 12, 2006

“There is a rapid rate of intermarriage among people of different faiths in the United States. Estimates are that 50 percent of Jewish men and women intermarry. Several articles about the Catholic Church have pointed out that many young people have left the Church and have intermarried. These facts are indicative of the high degree of assimilation and tolerance that is practiced in this country. This is taken as evidence of the declining role of faith and religious identity in the minds of many young Americans. Surveys, in fact, show that many do not identify themselves with any religion.

Interfaith marriage usually occurs between one person who is Jewish and another who is Christian. However, there are increasing numbers of young Catholics and Protestants intermarrying. Generally, this is viewed as less difficult for the young couple because of a commonly shared theology and culture. Nevertheless, even among Christian sects, interfaith marriage poses serious problems and creates crises for the couple and their respective families.

Separation and Guilt

According to Judith Wallerstein, author of The Good Marriage: How & Why Love Lasts (Warner Books, 1996), for a marriage to succeed, the young couple must psychologically and emotionally separate from their families of childhood. If the in-laws are against intermarriage, the stage is set for conflict, bitterness and misunderstanding, with damaging and long-lasting consequences for these relationships. Also, such hostility can provoke enormous guilt for the young bride or groom. This guilt makes the task of emotional separation more difficult to achieve.

Perhaps the greatest task of all is coping with feelings of guilt about having left the fold and defied the family. Until recently, there was little help for those who wanted to marry someone from another religion. Many such people agonized over the fact that they were leaving their religious heritage. Many priests, rabbis and ministers who were alarmed at the number of people who appeared to be abandoning the Church and the synagogue reinforced that guilt.

For Jews in particular, there is the guilt of contributing to the possible demise of their religion through the process of assimilation and intermarriage. Intermarriage confronts the Jew with the specter of the Holocaust and the memory of German Jews who believed they were assimilated until Hitler reminded them that they were Jews and not Germans. Here, too, members of the community accuse the person who is about to intermarry of being a Jewish anti-Semite, believing that the reason for the marriage is to escape a Jewish identity. They also blame this individual for contributing to the future disappearance of the Jewish people through intermarriage.

Faith, Conversion, and Religious Identity

The Christian partner does not fare much better. For this person, there can be the problem of coping with latent prejudice, which spills over when the family is faced with this new reality. Then, too, there is the matter of faith. Religious families decry the abandonment of the Catholic or Protestant way and fear for the soul of the individual who is departing from “the one true road to salvation.”

Many families resist the idea of a clergyman from another religion presiding over the wedding ceremony. If it is a Christian/Jewish marriage, they resent the possibility that no mention will be made of Christ. The Church has, in fact, become more tolerant of priests presiding over interfaith weddings, even if the non-Catholic does not convert. However, this tolerance may not allay the fears of religious family members.

All of this becomes even more difficult if one of the families refuses to attend the wedding because of religious differences and disapproval of the match. If the couple tries to appease the resistant family by agreeing to conversion, the other family may become so angry that they will refuse to attend. In some cases, if the couple refuses a religious ceremony of any kind, neither family may attend.

It is generally easier for a couple if one or both partners do not possess strong religious convictions or if one partner is willing to convert. Under those circumstances, the areas of conflict are reduced because the family and religious leaders of the religion to which the individual is converting more easily welcome the one who is converting. Questions of who is to preside over the wedding ceremony and how the children will be raised are automatically resolved.

The one possible exception to a harmonious resolution in these instances is the reaction of the family whose member is leaving the fold to join another religion. In a family where there is no real religious conviction, the problem disappears. In a family committed to their religious heritage and practice, the reality of a member leaving the fold can be traumatizing. It can result in all ties being severed. For example, a practicing Orthodox Jewish family will find the notion of intermarriage impossible to accept. In addition, Orthodox and Conservative rabbis will not preside over interfaith marriages. Similar problems can occur with Catholic and Protestant clergy.

Many young people reject the idea that they must have a religious identity at all. Consequently, they are not interested in traditional marriage ceremonies. This lack of interest is reflected in the fact that they refuse to have clergy from any religion presiding over their weddings. Family members often are angered by this rejection of religion. Nevertheless, the fact that the couple has a shared value system makes it easier for them to cope than for those who come from very diverse backgrounds with different value systems.

Building Intimacy

There is no more important task in marriage than the achievement of a deep level of intimacy and commitment between the marital partners. According to the Random House Dictionary, the word intimacy refers to the state of two people being close, familiar, affectionate and loving. It reflects a deep understanding and love for the other, with feelings of passion.

While sharing one religious tradition in marriage does not guarantee success in this endeavor (as the divorce statistics indicate), it at least increases the likelihood that two people have a certain mutual understanding because they share a common ethnic or religious background.

With intermarriage, the task of achieving intimacy is all the more daunting, since there is so much that is taken for granted when a person grows up in a particular type of home or community. There are all the nonverbal gestures and facial expressions, the idiomatic sayings and the types of foods and holiday celebrations that characterize a particular cultural experience. There are also the symbols of the different faiths, such as the Cross and the Star of David, which often evoke powerful emotional responses in people.

All of these things, which people of one faith and cultural background can understand and identify with in one another, help to build intimacy. When two people from different backgrounds and faiths come together, there is less common ground. The opportunities for misunderstanding, confusion and hurt feelings are plentiful.

After the Wedding

New challenges emerge when the wedding is over and the couple faces life as husband and wife. A crisis can erupt with the birth of the first child if the couple has not come to some decisions about child rearing, education and religion. People who marry within their faith usually make assumptions about these things based on how they were raised and on a commonality of experiences. Jewish couples assume that male children will be circumcised. Christian couples assume that all their children will be baptized. When the young parents come from different religions, none of these assumptions can be made.

In a Jewish/Christian marriage, a common stumbling block can occur at Christmas. The Christian partner may want to place a tree in the house to celebrate the holiday. The Jewish spouse may object to the tree. Something that seems natural to one partner appears foreign to the other. This is the kind of problem that is easily avoided before marriage but must be confronted sometime afterward.

Embracing Both Religions

One solution, which works for some couples, is to follow the rituals and holiday celebrations of both religions. Among these families, children attend church and synagogue services. They learn about the heritage of both of their parents and can decide for themselves, when they are adults, which faith they prefer to follow.

There have been a number of commentators who have stated that the mental health and well-being of children depend upon their having a clear religious and ethnic identity. In addition, the practice of religion has been found to help children avoid the influences of drugs, alcohol and adolescent sexual relations. These commentators miss the point: It is less the presence of a single religious identity in the home and more the parental style of discipline and involvement with the children and with each other that produces well-adjusted children. Research shows that children whose parents were firm, consistent, involved and affectionate did best in school and in their relationships later in life. The particular religious affiliation of one or both parents is less important to good adjustment than the fact that the parents love and support their children.

Help for Those Who Need It

Interfaith marriages can and do succeed. Many couples, however, experience significant and lasting benefits from professional support and counseling both before and during marriage. Fortunately, help is now available from many sources in the mental health and the religious communities to assist young couples facing the emotional challenges of an interfaith marriage.”

Source = http://psychcentral.com

Reuters – Tue Jul 8, 2008 2:14pm EDT 

WeddingChannel.com Polls Reveal Top Wedding Don'ts
LOS ANGELES--(Business Wire)--
 
Nearly half of brides-to-be polled by WeddingChannel.com admit to
committing wedding etiquette gaffes. Now that they're engaged, they
want their guests to know how to behave. To wipe out wedding manner
mishaps, WeddingChannel.com (www.weddingchannel.com), the number one
wedding website that is chock-full of answers to all your wedding
etiquette questions, has come up with the worst wedding guest sins
ever committed so family and friends won't suffer any confusion when
it comes to the rules of being a great guest.
 
   "All too often, wedding guests mess up--they drink too much, ask
if they can bring an uninvited guest, or dare to ask the bride if they
can try on her engagement ring," explained Summer Krecke, deputy
editor of WeddingChannel.com. "While guests may not be aware of their
bad behavior, brides and grooms often feel frustrated by their guests'
blunders."
 
   By polling thousands of brides, the editors at WeddingChannel.com
have determined the Seven Deadly Wedding Guest Sins:
 
      THE SEVEN DEADLY WEDDING GUEST SINS FROM WEDDINGCHANNEL.COM
 
   1. THE NO-SHOW
 
   Showing up to a wedding with an uninvited plus-one is definitely a
no-no. So is forgetting to RSVP to the couple by the date specified.
But worse than that? According to 1 in 3 brides polled by
WeddingChannel.com, it's RSVPing "yes" to a wedding and then not
showing up. When it comes to being a good guest, abiding by the rules
of responding is an absolute must--especially when the couple is
shelling out five-star funds to feed and entertain you.
 
   2. FOREGOING THE CEREMONY, BUT STILL ATTENDING THE RECEPTION
 
   A wedding is the celebration of the marriage of two people--not a
free, all-you-can-eat buffet. Don't even think of skipping the
ceremony--55% brides claim that's plain out rude. If you have a
legitimate reason for showing up late, like waiting for childcare or a
late plane arrival, be courteous by apologizing to the couple.
 
   3. GETTING INTOXICATED AT THE RECEPTION
 
   Sure, the free alcohol will most likely be flowing, but try to
keep your inner Jack Daniels contained. Indulge in the champagne
toast, a signature cocktail, a glass of wine with dinner, but keep
additional drinking to a minimum. You don't want to be the person the
guests gossip about at the morning-after brunch.
 
   4. WEARING WHITE
 
   Nearly 80% of brides polled said "no" when WeddingChannel.com
asked if they thought it was permissible for a guest to wear white (or
any variation thereof) to a wedding. Stay away from ivory,
diamond-white, grayish-white, and try not to bear too much skin. A
rule of thumb: If you have to ask if it's okay, choose something else.
 
   5. COMPLAINING.
 
   If you have nothing nice to say, don't say it. Couples fear the
fact that their guests might not like their wedding. Avoid complaining
within earshot of the couple or any of their family members. There is
nothing more disheartening than hearing that a guest didn't care for
the destination, the selection or the quality of the food, band,
gifts, or any other detail of the wedding.
 
   6. SWITCHING SEATS
 
   43% of couples say that they would be miffed if someone tampered
with the tables at their wedding. Even though you might want to sit
somewhere else, you must take into account the fact that couples often
spend hours figuring out their seating plans--and probably sat you
there for a reason. You'll have plenty of time to hang out with your
crew on the dance floor, but, when it comes to dinner, sit in your
assigned seat.
 
   7. REGIFTING
 
   Perhaps the second biggest gaffe a guest can make is giving a
recycled gift--without taking out the original card or, worse,
forgetting that it was already inscribed for someone else!
WeddingChannel.com has heard from thousands of couples who've been
horrified to receive a regifted present. If you cannot afford a gift,
send a card before the wedding with best wishes and a note that a gift
will be on the way soon. And, when choosing a gift, opt for a
selection from the couple's registry: 1 in 3 couples prefer that you
do not stray from their wedding wish list. Don't know where they're
registered? Log onto WeddingChannel.com to search their registries at
20 top retailers from Macy's to Tiffany & Co. to Amazon.com.
 
   Although they didn't quite make it into the Seven Deadly Wedding
Guest Sins, the below additional wedding guest gaffes came pretty
close:
 
   --  68% of brides say they've had a guest ask if they can bring an
        uninvited plus-one to the wedding
 
   --  75% of brides say guests have had the audacity to ask how much
        they're spending on the wedding
 
   --  70% of brides say it's not ok to ask to try on her engagement
        ring, yet, nearly 60% of brides have had this done to them
 
   Additional WeddingChannel.com etiquette solutions are also
available at www.weddingchannel.com/etiquette.
 
   Copyright Business Wire 2008

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Source: RetailMeNot.com

Are your premarital jitters a sign something more serious is at issue?

By Dulce Zamora
WebMD Feature

Reviewed By Brunilda Nazario

My fiancé, Noel, and I recently went to the mall to register for wedding gifts. I set my eyes on a fancy new blender, and he asked, “What’s wrong with our blender?”

He also questioned me about the new dishes, the new towels, and the new pillows. Why did we need all this stuff when we already had it?

Then Noel grew quiet and sullen. I repeatedly asked him what was wrong, but he kept saying it wasn’t the appropriate time to talk, that we’d discuss when we got home. Finally, after repeated questioning, he emphatically said, “We’ll talk later. For now, I’ll just tell you when I don’t want something for the registry.”

It’s funny how concerns become magnified once one decides to get married. All of a sudden, the little things a person does or say mean so much more. If he leaves dishes in the sink now, does that mean he won’t help me with the housework down the line? If I don’t get along with some of his family and friends, does that mean we’ll have trouble at future get-togethers?

Some people may call these types of thoughts premarital jitters. Many brides- and grooms-to-be have them. So to a certain extent, the engaged couple and society accepts them, and the wedding goes on as planned. Sometimes, however, the jitters may lead to postponement or cancellation of nuptials.

WebMD asked several relationship and mental health experts to determine the value of pre-wedding jitters. Are they healthy, purposeful fears, or anxieties gone awry? How much attention should be paid to them? And when do normal jitters turn into unhealthy ones?

The experts answered these questions and gave some advice on how to sort out the issues before the wedding day.

Good vs. Bad Anxiety

A little anxiety is normal and healthy, says Jerilyn Ross, MA, LICSW, president and CEO of the Anxiety Disorders Association of America and author of Triumph Over Fear: A Book of Help and Hope for People with Anxiety, Panic Attacks, and Phobias.

“Some anxiety helps us get out of harm’s way,” says Ross. “It helps us prepare, it helps us focus on doing something, to try harder. It forces us to take action.”

For instance, a little worry about getting the wedding invitations out on time can motivate a person to choose the invitations, order them, and send them out in a timely manner.

“The kind of worry that gets you to plan, organize, and take concrete steps is great,” says Ross.

Anxiety becomes extreme when a person begins to obsess about whether or not they are making the right decision about something or loses sleep over apprehension that the dress or wedding site may not be quite right. This type of fretting could affect family, social, and work life.

Yet extreme anxiety isn’t totally abnormal when it comes to wedding planning. “We see those extremes all the time, because getting married is an extreme situation,” says Ross. “It’s something most people do, hopefully, once in their lifetime. It is a major decision and commitment.”

If the worry becomes so overwhelming that it paralyzes a person, it may be a sign of an anxiety disorder. For example, a person may obsess about hand printing every single invitation and throw it out if a letter is imperfect.

Other signs of the disorder include avoiding or manipulating situations to avoid the anxiety. For instance, a person may be so worried about tripping while walking down the aisle that he or she refuses to go through with the ceremony. Or a person may suggest a honeymoon nearby because he or she is afraid of riding an airplane.

“When people become frightened by the anxiety itself and can’t function in a normal healthy way, at that point, we would then look if the person has an anxiety disorder,” says Ross, noting that anxiety disorders are real and treatable. If you suspect that you or a loved on has the disorder, it is best to consult with an anxiety specialist or a mental health professional.

Working as a Team

Outside of anxiety disorders, Susan Heitler, PhD, a clinical psychologist and a marriage and family therapist in Denver, prefers not to look at pre-wedding jitters in terms of healthy or unhealthy. Jitters deserve consideration, she says. They don’t just come out of the blue.

“Jitters, which are basically anxieties, come up because there is something going on that merits attention,” says Heitler, who doesn’t believe everyone experiences such anxiety. Couples with strong collaborative skills tend to do fine, she says. Those who lack such skills, however, may experience jitters — even if the couple really loves each other.

Planning a wedding involves making joint decisions, Heitler explains. To resolve disagreements, some people may bully their partner, while others may cave in and feel resentful. Patterns such as these can lead to fights and can trigger anxious feelings before the wedding day.

To make matters worse, the high stress involved in wedding planning can make people slip into their worst habits. Instead of working as a team, one or both parties may become demanding. Instead of listening, people can become defensive.

To ease high-pressure times and decision making, Heitler recommends learning effective collaboration skills. She explains the necessary communication skills in her book, The Power of Two: Secrets to a Strong and Loving Marriage. They include:

• Focus on what you would like instead of what you don’t like. The words “don’t like” invite defensiveness, whereas the words “would like” invite cooperation. For example, instead of saying “I don’t want your family staying at our house during the wedding weekend,” you could say “I would like it if all out-of-town friends, including your family, would stay at a hotel for the wedding weekend.”
• Use I instead of You. This invites a less defensive response from your partner. For instance, instead of saying “You left a mess in the kitchen,” say “I was distraught when I came home and saw the mess in the kitchen.”
• Change your shoulds to coulds. The word “should” tends to bring pressure to both parties, while the word “could” promotes more constructive dialogue. In the examples, “We should invite all of our friends,” and “We could invite all of our friends,” the latter sentence encourages more of a two-way discussion.
• Listen to learn instead of listening dismissively. Whatever your partner says, take note of what makes sense in what he or she is saying. If you say “Yes, but…” you are listening for what’s wrong in what they are saying. If what they say does not make sense, ask for more information until what they are saying makes sense to you.
• To find out more information from your partner, start out questions with How or What instead of Do you, Have you, or Are you. The words “how” or “what” tend to invite more dialogue, whereas the words “do you”, “have you” or “are you” tend to elicit “yes” or “no” responses.

These communication skills can promote good flow of information, which is the stuff of good marriages, says Heitler. “If you’re going to be a team, you need to understand each others’ concerns in a respectful way and learn to make decisions together,” she says. “Otherwise, one pulls left, one pulls right, or you crash into each other.”

Sorting Through Doubts

If you’re still not sure you want to go through the wedding, it’s best to talk to someone.

Kate Wachs, PhD, a Chicago psychologist and author of Relationships for Dummies, recommends talking to a trusted family member, preferably someone who is married. It helps if that person is not normally critical of you or your partner. Be sure that person is rational and isn’t the type to make situations worse.

You may also want to discuss premarital misgivings with a trusted friend, priest, minister, rabbi, or a therapist. Talking to your partner is another option, but do so with caution, says Wachs. Make sure your partner understands that your doubts do not necessarily mean you want to call off the wedding.

If canceling or postponing nuptials is in your mind, try to be as honest as possible with your partner. “Many times, if it’s meant to be, (the wedding) will go forward anyway but a little bit farther down the line. If the other person can’t tolerate that, then maybe it’s not meant to be,” says Carol Kleinman, MD, clinical assistant professor of psychiatry at the George Washington University Medical School in Washington.

Meant to Be

Fortunately for Noel and me, calling off the wedding did not become a real option. We were able to talk about our disagreement with the registry. I found out he was tired of what he saw as my complaints – our old blender wasn’t good enough, our old food processor wasn’t good enough, and the plates weren’t good enough. He wondered why I wasn’t happy with our stuff. He wondered what he was doing wrong that I was so unhappy with our life together.

I, of course, explained that my wanting certain things for the registry did not mean I did not like our stuff or that I was unhappy with our life together. I saw the registry as an opportunity to get nice things.

Since we discovered each other’s viewpoints, we were able to understand why we acted the way we did during our shopping trip. The understanding eased the frustration and confusion. We were able to save our relationship, and in the process, felt stronger as a couple.

Published June 6, 2005.

Source: http://www.medicinenet.com

“Whether getting ready for your wedding day or another momentous occasion, the following tips and reminders will ensure that you look beautiful in person and in photographs:

• 1. Keep in mind that regardless of the product, shade, or application technique, makeup is only as good as the skin it covers. Take time in the months leading up to the big day to treat your skin well and avoid using products that cause irritation or can cause side effects such as dryness, flaking, or redness. Anticipate your skin’s needs based on its history and the weather (is the event in a location where it will be more humid, arid, or cold than your skin is used to?) then choose products accordingly.
• 2. Do not have a facial, microdermabrasion, peel, or any other spa or dermatologist treatment within two weeks of the event, especially if you have not had such procedures performed in the past. The last thing you want to deal with is the complications that could result. If a trip to the spa is part of your bridal bliss, use the time to get a stress-relieving massage or manicure and pedicure rather than a facial.
• 3. Anticipate being photographed and take into account the lighting. Outdoor wedding photos demand different makeup than indoor photos. Outdoor lighting is most flattering in late afternoon as the sun begins to set. If possible, avoid scheduling an outdoor wedding ceremony and photos for midday when the sun is directly overhead. This casts unwanted shadows on your face and is universally unflattering. Less makeup is preferred for outdoor weddings. Use a sheer, satin-matte foundation, a light dusting of pressed powder, powder blush, soft eye shadow colors that are matte or barely shiny, and eyeliner that is dark brown or slate gray rather than black, which can look too harsh in daylight. Lips can be any color, but keep in mind that opaque lipstick with sheer makeup can look too contrasting. Generally, outdoor makeup looks best with creamy lipsticks. For mascara, choose brown if you have blonde hair (dyed or not). All other hair colors should stick with black mascara, preferably waterproof unless you’re sure you won’t cry!
• 4. For indoor ceremonies, you must take flash photography into consideration. A camera’s flash tends to emphasize pink or ruddy skin tones, so proper camouflage with a neutral- to yellow-toned foundation is a must. Avoid foundations and powders with sunscreens in which titanium dioxide or zinc oxide are the active ingredients. Both of these mineral pigments have an opaque, reflective quality that can make your face look whiter than the neck in photos. A small amount of titanium dioxide in your foundation or powder is fine; it just shouldn’t be an active ingredient where the concentration is considerably higher.
• 5. Be sure your foundation matches your skin color exactly. Check to be sure there is no line of demarcation at the jaw, hairline, and temples. In general, liquid foundations with a soft matte finish work best because they are versatile and let your natural skin tone show through. Cream-to-powder and stick foundations tend to offer heavier coverage that, unless carefully blended, can look mask-like. It may be tempting, but do not mix a liquid shimmer product with your foundation to make skin look more radiant. In photos, even when used judiciously, shimmer can make skin look slick and greasy instead of luminescent, especially after wearing it for a few hours. And once the event begins, stealing away for touch-ups is unlikely.
• 6. Seek a powder that closely matches your skin tone. Pressed powder is more portable and easier to use than the loose version. Look for a pressed powder with a silky texture and skin-like finish. Today’s modern powder formulas (particularly those from Estee Lauder, L’Oreal, M.A.C., Prescriptives, and Maybelline) make skin look beautifully polished, not powdered or ultra-matte. Apply the powder with a professional brush, not a puff or sponge. If you have normal to dry skin, only powder the T-zone (forehead, nose, and chin) and leave the cheeks with the soft matte finish your foundation provides.
• 7. For blush, powder formulas tend to photograph best and hold up over the long haul. If in doubt about which shade to choose, opt for those in the rose or pink family if you have fair to medium skin and choose rosy-plum tones if your skin tone is medium to tan. Do not make the mistake of under-applying blush, especially for indoor photos. Wedding makeup is formal, and requires more color than you may normally wear. Make sure your blush is in the same tonal family as your lipstick (for example, pair a pink blush with a pink, berry, or rose-toned lipstick).
• 8. The color of your makeup design should come from your blush and lipstick, not your eye shadow. Keep tones muted and matte so that they emphasize, not compete with, your natural eye color. As a general rule, you can’t go wrong with eye shadow colors that have a brown, tan, taupe, or neutral base. Think earth tones (slate, shell pink, bronze) and “food” tones (cream, caramel, and coffee). If you want to add a touch of shimmer to your eye makeup, find the sheerest product possible, apply sparingly to highlight your brow bone or the inner corners of your eyes, and make sure you like how it looks in photos before the big day arrives.
• 9. Pay attention to your eyebrows. Do not attempt any new tweezing techniques or patterns, but do see a professional brow groomer who has loads of experience shaping brows so they frame your eyes as attractively as possible. A brow pro can also show you how to make the most of sparse, thin, or barely-there eyebrows. For wedding makeup, use brow powder, a matte powder eye shadow, or tinted brow gel rather than traditional brow pencil to shape and define.
• 10. Be sure to carry your lipstick and lip liner with you for touch-ups after the ceremony and before the reception. It is also helpful to carry a pressed powder and small powder brush, as well as a clean makeup sponge in case you need to buff or smooth any aspect of your makeup, especially lipstick marks from over-zealous relatives or friends.”

 

This article is from Paula’s Choice:   http://www.cosmeticscop.com/learn/art.asp?ID=365

These are some simple ideas to make the wedding planning process go more smoothly:

• Set up an e-mail address just for wedding related mail. Once you decide to get married, marketers around the globe put your name on some sort of giant spam list. If you create a new account you can manage the spam in this account more easily and then deactivate it once your wedding is over. Be sure that the vendors you actually use have an alternate address so they can still reach you.
• If you have a post office nearby, set up a PO Box to use for the same purpose.
• Don’t sign up with a giant wedding website. I really shouldn’t mention their name but they are the giant of the wedding industry. I didn’t find them at all useful, but I did get a mountain of spam and junk mail the moment I signed up. If you feel compelled to sign up, use your short-term wedding addresses.
• If you go to wedding shows, use the same caution.
• In your new e-mail account set up folders for the various components of your wedding: ceremony, reception, floral and other décor, photography, printed materials (invites, programs, etc.), registry, music, hotels and other local info (for out of town guests), dress and accessories, etc. You might find that different categories work for you, but you will be amazed at the amount of e-mail it takes to organize a wedding. Get an early start on your organization and you’ll be very glad that you did!
• For electronic organization I used a free wedding software program from Sandals.com I kept track of finances, guest responses, thank you cards, etc. Some of the advanced features require you to upgrade for $20, but I think it was well worth it to keep things organized. Excel spreadsheets could get pretty unwieldy so plan ahead and explore the various wedding planning software to find what might work for you.
• As much as I hate having a lot of paper around, I did find that I got a lot of wedding-related mail. For this I created an accordion file with similar categories to my e-mail account. It fit nicely into the bag that Bloomingdales provided at their registry party. (FYI, their swag bag is bursting with great stuff and they don’t seem to spam you later on.) As vendors sent postcards, etc. I filed them away until needed. They were very easy to find later on and I recycled what I didn’t need.
• Create a planning document for the wedding day. On it, have the contact information for each vendor and what time they are expected to arrive and leave. Have cell phone numbers for everyone in your wedding party so they can be found if they’re not where they should be. If you have people helping to set up décor, make sure there is a detailed list of what goes where. You should give copies of this to several of your helpers so the information is readily available.
• Create a schedule for your wedding party so they know where they are expected and when. Maps can be very helpful too, especially for out of town guests.
• Make a reminder list for yourself so you won’t forget things like bridesmaid’s gifts, your emergency kit, decor items that you are transporting to the site, car keys, etc. Some things that may seem obvious now can be easily forgotten when they are one of hundreds of details. Don’t take any chances. Make a copy of your reminder list and give it to someone who is very detail-oriented so they can be your back-up.
• There are many, many books on the market to help you plan, track, tackle etiquette questions, etc. Ask your friends which ones they liked, read on-line reviews, etc. I found the internet to be my most valuable tool, but my favorite book was: KISS Guide to Planning a Wedding, from the Keep It Simple Series. It seemed a little more lighthearted and modern, but it also had explanations for the origins of certain wedding traditions, etc. My least favorite book was one that told me in the first chapter that if I didn’t have $500 per person to spend, I had no business having a wedding. Don’t get too bogged down in what a book tells you, it’s a tool, nothing more.
• For your wedding day emergency kit I recommend: a sewing kit with scissors, safety pins, a dryer sheet (for static cling), fashion tape, extra stockings and clear nail polish (for runs), band-aids, basic medicinals, a complete set of make-up and hair tools in case your stylist doesn’t show, the nail polish color you’ll be wearing, blotting tissues, make-up correctors (Sephora sells them), Kleenex, and anything else you might need.

 

Please feel free to add any tips that you think will enhance this list! 

Creating a guest list seems to be one of the hardest parts of wedding planning, especially if your parents are paying some, or all, of the bill.  It’s only natural for your parents to want their friends involved and guilt can be a huge factor in allowing parents to get a bit more of a say than is really fair.  Setting some ground rules before you make the list can help prevent hurt feelings.

Start with a percentage breakdown.  I think that most parents would think that it fair that 50% of the invited guests are at chosen by the bride and groom.  This allows 25% for each set of parents to invite relatives and their friends.  This will help to cap the total number of guests as well as maintain a god mix of people.      

I have relatives that I don’t remember, but that my mother assures me I’m very close to; and we all have family members who will misbehave in social situations.  For these reasons, and so many more, the bride and groom should have the liberty of saying no, without questions to anyone on their parent’s list.  A blind veto will save you from explaining that you don’t like Uncle Bob because he pinches your ass.  If your parents push this, you many want to ask them if they “really want to know”, most parents don’t.  If they insist, go ahead and tell them, at least they’ll know why you dislike that person.      

The bride and groom can create their lists independently and then get together to compare notes.  Each of you should create three groups: The Essentials – people like your attendants and other wedding party participants and very close friends, The Close Friends – people you stay in contact with on a regular basis,  The Wish List – the people you wish you could invite, but it depends on how the numbers work out.  Don’t forget spouses in your count.   With any luck you’ll have a lot of overlap when you compare lists.  The hard part comes when one of you has more people than the other.  This is a good test of your negotiation skills.  If there are other parts of the wedding planning that you can compromise on, you may want to trade.  For example, you can invite Beth if I can have the DJ play Bob Marley. 

Trading is also a great way to work with your parents, perhaps you can allow them to invite that third cousin you’ve never heard of if they’ll spring for the more expensive dress.    

Extra people, i.e. dates, can add a lot to your wedding budget and prevent you from having people you’d really like to invite.  Try to come up with a rule of thumb; your exclusions should be easy to explain.   We decided that married couples or couples that were engaged and/or living together were invited but other boyfriend, girlfriends, and dates were not.  Some people will get a little bent out of shape when they receive an invitation that doesn’t include a guest.  If they challenge you, explain to them that you can’t afford to invite everyone so chose to limit it to spouses (or whatever you decide).  Anyone who has been involved in planning a wedding will understand the expense involved. 

Children are another difficult subject.  Some people love the idea of having kids at a wedding, some love the idea but can’t afford to feed them all.  Others want a more sophisticated event.  Your invitation wording should reflect this:  Mr. and Mrs. Smith vs. The Smith Family.  If you don’t want children to attend try to provide contact information for a local nanny service for your out-of-town guests.  

Everyone is aware of the dreaded “B” list.  No one wants to know that they are on that list.  The way we worked around it was to send invitations in rounds.  The International group was first, then out of state, then in-state.  We included a link to our website with hotel and other local information.  People generally sent response cards or contacted us with questions fairly quickly; we then had a better feel for how many people were coming before we sent invitations to local guests.  If most of your guests are local, you could send the parent’s invitations first, and then the invitations to your friends.           

Remember that who you invite, and don’t invite, will be remembered for years to come.  It’s your wedding, so be firm, but be prepared for some unusual reactions as well.  This is a great opportunity to deal with your parents as equals and to set a precedent for the future.

The Perfect Wedding
How perfectionism can ruin your perfect day-and your health.

By: Lybi Ma

You’re getting ready for your day and you want everything to be picture perfect-the gown, the flowers, the cake, the venue, your nail polish, and even the weather. And it better not rain, or the heavens will pay. That’s because you have high standards and you’ve been planning for months and months, so of course you expect absolute flawlessness in every possible way.

Pretty soon, as your day nears, you find that you are not having a good time. Everything is wrong. The gown has a beige hue, the cake is too sweet, and the weatherman says it’s going to rain. What will this do to your image and who you are? You bark at your husband to be, your mother, your sister, and even the darn dog. It’s not surprising to find a bride fussing over minutia. And it’s not surprising that she is driven to crazy making.

The perfectionist seems to have it all together, appearing competent and confident. However, she does not feel perfect, nor does she feel in control of her wedding or her life for that matter. This precision takes away from enjoying and engaging in the people around her. After all, that is the real point.

Taming the Beast

Granted, there are people who can tame their perfectionism. They sweat for their best work whether they’re bankers or athletes and they tend to excel. But for those who cannot manage their urge for precision, they push and push only to find that they are inadequate. Nothing is ever good enough. Research from Smith College shows that perfectionism can be detrimental to one’s health; these people are at risk for obsessive-compulsive disorders, heart disease, anxiety, low self-esteem, eating disorders, high blood pressure, among other illnesses.

Origins of Miss Perfect

Some people are more prone to perfection than others. But parents can shape this trait just by withholding praise and dropping criticism. The need to please is thus internalized. Many perfectionists suffered chaotic childhoods, where they had little control over their lives. That’s why a perfect child: keeps her room tidy and neat, works hard at her schooling, and bosses her siblings around. This trait then carries over into adulthood.

Make No Mistakes

What will everyone think if the forks and knives are not sitting straight on the table settings? Those who cannot tolerate flaws get upset easily. In truth, these chronic worriers see a mistake as downright failure. For this person, self-worth is often wrapped up in a perfect performance. Worse still are those who demand no mistakes from the people around them.

Best Is Best

Adhering to high standards sounds like a good thing. But often that standard is shifted higher and higher. That’s what happens when a perfectionist strives for a ten at every turn-the ten turns into ever increasing numbers. According to research from Oklahoma State and the University of South Alabama, for certain people perfectionism is thought to contribute to eating disorders like anorexia nervosa (all in pursuit of that perfect body).

Your Approval My Approval

Most girls want to be a princess for a day. This feeds into our love of celebrities; indeed, taking the spotlight is so fulfilling. But perfectionism propels this notion a step further: the bride becomes more and more self-focused, and in turn becomes more and more hypercritical. You are valued only if you are perfect. That superhuman image is what she seeks.

For the perfect bride in search of her perfect day, everything falls short and never up to snuff. Demanding perfection is demanding the impossible. Perfectionists cope well in times of low stress, but these people more likely to become depressed, angry, and anxious in stressful situations-and that’s when things can go way wrong.

One woman recalls her brother’s wedding day: “That day, I decided to wear a pendant instead of pearls as the other bridesmaids did, my sister-in-law snapped and hissed at me. In fact, she was mad at everyone and everything the entire day.”

Psychology Today Online, 30 Apr 2008
Article ID: 4582

http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/pto-20080430-000001.html

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